Chillin’ out in Port St Johns (Part 2)
10 September 2008
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In his final installment, Dave “Gwava” Macgregor again tells of the weird and wacky characters to be found in Port St Johns on the Wild Coast. These are their stories…
“Walking off towards another Kei legend’s cliff side shack with a few Transkei dumpies under my arm, my plans to hook-up with Big Ben Dekker and shoot the breeze near his famous Gap hideout fell apart when I bumped into Back2Back tour operator Mike Gattke and a hoard of development surf groms.
“You pulling in to paddle with the laaities in the foamies on the insides?” Mike asked.
Somehow the frosties seemed like a better option…
Watching these young surf rats busting out fat moves on the foamballs, I could not help but admire the commitment of the groms of Iliza (Waves) Surf Academy.
An initiative by socially committed local back packing joint Amampondo, the surf school has become a haven of hope for the kids.
Chatting with Swiss volunteer Martina Dallantonia – who recently gave up a fancy job with a television station to run various community projects for Amampondo – it became clear to me how much difference on place can make in many people’s lives.
“I have been to many places in the world, but somehow Port St John’s was the only one that really got under my skin. After three weeks volunteer work I went back to Switzerland to sell everything I owned. I was back in two months.”
Out of Transkei dumpies, Mike suggested he take me on a tailor-made tour of the area – with the first stop being the Millenium Bar. Travel writing can be thirsty work.
Perched on a cliff overlooking the famous Gap and Blowhole, the bar is a favourite watering hole for locals and roadies.
Run by Nomveliso Maalo – a 28 year-old hospitality graduate with a bubbly personality – we were soon shooting pool and hanging with the locals.
Only just getting back into the road trip thang, I made a big mistake by leaving my beer unattended in the almost empty bar.
Turning round to take another quaff, I was shocked to see a sweaty local sucking on my dop like it was his long last girlfriend.
Finally prising the beer from his grubby paws, I tried to make small talk and surreptitiously wipe the bottle spout clean - under my sweaty armpit – without offending anybody.
With plans to tackle the treacherous walk down to the Gap and Blowhole, we decide to leave before Pondo time left us behind.
The scene of many deaths and suicides over the years, the Gap and Blowhole may be beautiful, but they can also be dangerous.
Just getting down to the Blowhole – nicknamed the “Puffing Dragon” – is a nightmare as you virtually have to abseil down the side of a cliff Kei style using a steel cable and wooden ladders bolted into the rocks.
With no safety gear one slip could spell instant death.
Huffing even more than the “Puffing Dragon” - after climbing back up the mountain - Mike started up his 4×4 bus and headed off to the Umzimvubu River mouth to admire the second oldest lighthouse in the country.
A veritable mine of information about the area and Pondo culture next stop was Isinuka – “the place of the smell.”
Nicknamed the people’s health hydro, Isinuka is a famous sulphur spring that has become a must see for locals and tourists.
With half the hillside dug away, young and old clamber into the manmade caves to collect mud and drips of water which are used to treat everything from aching joints, smelly feet and skin problems.
Just as prized as the mud is the smelly water gushing from springs that is collected and bottled – for human and animal use. Gulped down, the foul brew is guaranteed to flush the bowels of any unhappy camper.
Next stop was a drive up the cliffs to the local airfield and a stunning sunset.
After years of selling insurance all over the Kei, Mike says he gave it all up because he did not want to keep “tricking” the locals into buying something they did not really need.
“Tour guiding the Kei is the best job in the world,” he explained.
Waving goodbye to Mike, his missus Cat and baby Neo, I headed next door to the Wooden Spoon.
Started by a Swiss couple several years ago when they visited the place after over landing through Africa, the Wooden Spoon is a legend spot famous the world over.
Instead of selling the business when they recently returned to the Swiss Alps, Priska and Dan Bachoven handed over everything they owned to their trusty chef and friend Zetu Tshangane and her husband Mandla.
“We are the luckiest people in the world…I worked for Dan and Priska, but they were also our friends,” Zetu explains.
Set-up for life, Mandla says they were even left the Swiss couple’s Land Rover and the recipes for the food that made the place famous.
With the night whiling away, I could not resist a visit to Ubuntu Coffee Shop and art gallery.
After a killer cup of mocca java and a drumming session – I hobbled back to my Ikaya for a doss.
Waking the next morning, I bumped into Wayne and Danny Wheelspanner – shooting the breeze, sipping chilled ones.
Old locals, the duo told stories about how you can leave your car unlocked with the windows open in Mbotyi – without getting anything stolen.
“All you need to do is leave a brandy bottle with water in it on the back seat with the label pulled off and the word poison written on it,” Danny explained - to blank stares from myself.
Filling in the gaps Danny said the deaths of six people some years back after they mistakenly drank poison in a brandy bottle stolen from the seat of a car had left people too scared to steal from cars again.
Strange place the Transkei…”
(55 votes, average: 4.71 out of 5)
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Gwava this is gr8 stuff - I wanna visit the place!
How far do you have to abseil down?
Nick, when I say “abseil” - I mean Kei style…
It is just a thick, rusty steel cable mounted in the rock and you have to take your chances clambering over crude chunks carved out the cliff - clinging on for your life. Talk about a headrush…
Crude ladders made of planks and poles help get you down certain sections.
THIS WAS ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING ARTICLES ON TRAVEL THAT I HAVE READ. ENJOYED THE FIRST PART TOO. HOPE THERE ARE MORE OF THIS KIND OF ARTICLE WRITTEN.
one place i did not get to but after reading this i will most probably go off the beaten track. even just to meet some of the people i have read about. well done. keep up the good reporting.
Hay Bru.
Great article, have visited the Kei a number of time but have not been to these spots. you must take me there in Sept.
Cheers.
Wow, the puffing dragon sounds awesome… I went through the transkei last year on a road trip from CT to Dur, but have never heard of the ‘abseil kei style’. Will definately have to do it again and give the dragon a try!
Cant believe you drank the rest of your beer after the smelly local… Besides that your trip sounds amazing!
Can’t let the T’kei dumpie go to waste, can we Lara? The whole of the Transkei is a very awesome and friendly place…go explore.
wow. you have made the area come alive to someone who has lived in africa all of their life, but never visited that part. my feet are itching to take a trip there.
Very interesting. You seem to have met a lot of characters that have made this article come alive. Would they have survived in other parts of the world I wonder. Well written and sounds like a fun filled place
Hey man. This trip sounds like all play and no work. Awesome. Write some more stuff like this. Safe my mate….
Richard, Johno and Kathleen, my feet are itching all the time.
Glad you guys enjoyed the whacky, off the wall places and characters that make our country such a beautiful place.
I am already planning a (dirt road) motorcycle diaries type trip thru the kei avoiding tarmac. Knowing people actually read this stuff makes me super keen to head off again.
Obviously, you guys want mo tales from the far side???
Thanks Gwava - after reading your tales from the far side, I have begun to plan my own adventure to the Transkei using your stories as my guide.
Maybe we could meet up???…
Yeah, jillybeans, we could hook up for a road trip…the mo the merrier…
Luv the idea of hooking up…
Let me know when you plan to start you motorbike diaries I will happily be your co-pilot!
As long as I tell my wife…brrrrm, brrrrrm
Hey Gwava
I lived in the Transkei for 20 years, and visited Port St Johns and especially Umngazana on a regular basis. We used to spend 6 weeks in the December school holidays there and used to frequent the sessions in Port St Johns… Hey man, you have made me soooooooooooo homesick, I could just switch my computer off and head out to Port St Johns.
Hey Gwava, I lived in the Transkei for 20 years and I still claim that the Transkei Coast Line in Gods’ own country. We used to go to Umngazana for 6 weeks during the school hols and we had an absolute blast - used to look forward to the sail up the river to the top jetty and then the drive to Port St Johns for the sessions. Man, have you made me homesick now, could easily switch off my computer, take an early retirement package, sell my house and head off the PSJ!!
Keep up the good work,
Nettie
Nettie, sorry you gettin homesick…all the more reason I guess to hit out for a weekend, week or longer - like many others you may not return…
I have been to many lovely places (Bali, Madagascar etc) and my all time fave is the Kei. Like you say it really is God’s own country. It is the most spectacular coast anywhere and if you respect local time and culture it is all good - but, I am guessin you know that already. PSJ and Coffees are easy - tar roads all the way. The dirt roads are also good and many do not even require a 4×4…go explore - Gwava
Eisch Man….That life could be so simple and so fantastic, I often sit back and think of the good old Transkei days, my folks were traders back then and like I said, the December hols we always headed out to the coast - such carefree, happy days, just basking in the sun and eyeing out the talent!!! Oh well, back to the drawing board, will have to plan a plan of some sort to go HOME!
Nettie
Hey Gwava, when are you planning to write your motorbike diaries?
Hey Kath, motorcycle diaries are coming soon…if anybody has ideas on more places to see on the wild coast between Port St Johns and Kei Mouth - then please make suggestions. Gwava
I’ll be watching this space - can you give me a hint when you plan to start???
Look forward to your next adventures Dave - have a ball!
[…] chill around Port St Johns and meet all it’s weird and interesting characters. Ask for people like Ben Dekker, Lily O’Mahony and Danny Wheelspanner. Have a beer at the Millenium Bar (instructions how to get there can be gleaned from locals). Cast […]
Hey Dave,
Started reading the motorbike diaries. As good as this article. Keep the flag flying for that part of the world. Well done.
HEY HEY MY BIG BROTHER. WHEN YOU COMING TO MY SIDE IN LESOTHO TO CATCH UP ON A FEW BEER IN THE MOUNTAIN KINGDOM.
Hi John, Lesotho is the last frontier and definitely on the cards. Guess I gotta go in winter cos there is no surf in the mountain kingdom and snowboarding is the next best thing. Also, in winter the beers are obviously colder…
Looks like a great place to ride a stootoot.
Gwava man. you think Harry the fairy and his royal pain in the ass brother would lend us a couple of bikes for the next trip? or at least a sponsor…. Didn’t spend enough time in PSJ this time. My mad brother has since relocated there, so maybe we can get real cheap accomodation on the next run.
Scary, I dunno bout Princes Hairy and Willie scooping us some boneys to use for a kei trip. The last time I saw the ginger ninja he wanted to turn me into gwava juice..
I was lucky to have lived in psj for a few months, great place
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